Women's Voices

TAKE CARE OF YOUR LIBIDO          by Yolande (France)

Feminine libido is the purest form of sexual energy: it’s nothing but sheer sex desire, whatever the related object of this desire could be. No point talking about your physical appearance, your age, your social position, your female or male lover, the number of sextoys you got in your cabinet… Your libido is erotic life force, it’s an intrinsic part of your psyche. Your fantasies, the various objects of your desires, will change during your life, but the ultimate source of these envies will remain the same: it’s you, or to be specific, the most intimate part of what you are.

A strong majority of the women I know share a common idea about our feminine libido: it’s a banality you often heard … “the level of your libido is determined by your genes, you can’t help, except for a few happy ones, the bulk of the gang is doomed and will have a pathetic level of sex desires”. 

Bullshits! Of course, our libido isn’t static and nature will take its due over the course of the years. Our biorhythms interfere, for example, many of us will be sexually more active just before or after our menstruations. As for me, just before my period, sometimes I could fuck with a store’s window dummy just because I feel so horny.   

Hormones affect your libido, as many other things do. Menopause, pregnancy, continuous stress or nervous breakdown, physical tiredness, serious illness and various drugs, tobacco, alcohol, and so on, this is a long list… These hazards have a direct effect on your libido, it’s quite understandable because they directly affect your biological factors. But they always also have a side effect: they modify the image you have from yourself, and your self-esteem.

And this is the point: pregnancy will end when you’ll give birth, you can stop smoking, and if you are sick you will get better one day. But this doesn’t mean that your libido will improve in the same way. Actually, your libido stands on two plinths.

The first one is your self-esteem, if you have a bad image from yourself, you won’t go far, and it has nothing to do with your external appearance, it’s a matter of understanding of a very old reality: every human, women and men alike, are able to be part of other people sex desires. It could be a good thing (love) or a very bad one (rapes and sex assaults) but that’s a reality you can’t deny.  

The second one is a little bit more surprising: you got to practice, to train like a sportswoman, in order to acquire a high level of libido. Being sexy is one thing, being sexual is far more important… Feel free to have sex with any person you can desire, feel free to masturbate if you want to, and feel free to read erotic books – even the moronic version of eroticism like in “50 Shades of Schmuck” or to look at a good X rated movie made by a woman for women. If you see any interest in kinky sex, careful exhibitionism, voyeurism, orgies or partner swapping, bdsm and so on, feel free to test them.

Last but not least, feel free to be in love with your body as well as with your hearth and your mind. Love is a powerful magic, don’t waste it in fake romanticism and debased feelings. Love is the most natural and the most powerful booster of the feminine libido, as long as you don’t control your envies and fantasies when your beloved one is with you. 

ORGASM AND WRONG IDEAS    by Jadoo  (France)

Fact: feminine orgasm is poorly understood… even by women!  I’m bisexual, sexually active, so I can say that I lived a lot of different sex experiences over the years. Many were delightful, some weren’t, and all of them led me to one certainty: it’s a waste of time to look for an imaginary Book of the 1.001 ways to Orgasm, because it doesn’t exist.

Does it mean that as a woman you’re bound to one or two specific ways or techniques in order to reach the climax when you make love? If you think so, poor of you, a routine, even a very pleasant one, is always a door wide open to boredom. And don’t blame systematically your boyfriend or girlfriend if sex is monotonous, certainly pleasurable, but repetitive. 

 A woman is never the same from one night to another. Your desires, your needs, wax and wane, and above all, your sexuality is a maze, and too bad for your lover, its doors will remain closed until you give him/her the keys. Your future climax is like a Sphinx sitting on his throne at the center of your personal labyrinth of sensuality. Even if you’re having sex with a great lover, if you don’t open the doors by your own will, if you don’t show the way, his/her talent to explore the corridors of the maze is useless.

The problem is that many women are poor guides: they focus so much on the map that they don’t see the surrounding ground at all. Of course, your GPS will always shows you the most direct, usual, convenient, path to orgasm. Always the same, always, always, always the same… Why? Because your past orgasms frequently lure you into a false belief: some methods always worked on you, so you assume that all other things will be inevitably inefficient. It’s the Pavlov’s trap: your desire for a given way to reach the climax, because it proved itself effective, amplifies your sensations, and push you to disregard all other methods. 

As every young girl, when I was a teen I wondered about the complexity of sex. Boys were not really highly performing sex machines? OK, but there was at least one brilliant exception. Girls were gifted lovers? Except that some proved themselves incredibly deceiving.

Worse - and that’s an example like another – if, generally speaking, a long and devoted cunnilingus was a perfect delight, sometimes it was un-effective. On the contrary, vaginal penetration seemed to me a hazardous way to drive me to cloud nine, but on rare occasions my boyfriend made me hit the stars like that. What about sodomy? Oh dude, the day a girl tested it on me (with her fingers, we were not well equipped, those were the days…)  
was a great day! Unfortunately when a guy did the same to me, I didn’t like it. 

It took me a while to understand that giving sexual pleasure wasn’t more a chick thing than a boy thing. Some have the desire, the will, the talent, and the knack, to become exalted lovers. And some don’t have those qualities, and will never have them. Moreover, all methods to give pleasure have their own intrinsic qualities or disadvantages, but they are like tools: they aren’t automatically efficient and have to be used in the proper ways.

Eventually, I connected the dots: even the best tools have to be in the hands of a good craftswoman or craftsman in order to be effective, sex isn’t a matter of mass production, there’s no technical notice available. A bad lover will always be a fucking calamity no matter what he can do. Even if a novice can be taught, and become an glorious lover, the sad reality is that many people are simply not gifted at all for sex.

My thinking about the various sex techniques that my lovers could use in order to make me come was wrong: no point asking myself if cunnilingus was “a better way” to have an orgasm rather than a penis into my pussy, actually all methods were of equal intrinsic value…zilch or 1000, depending on my mood in the heath of the moment, depending on their place in the momentum, depending on their intensity, depending on so many factors that it was pointless to wonder about that, and that only relevant question was “is my partner an artist of love, or not?”. 

As a grown woman, I learned that whatever the technique is, she got her place in the puzzle of my orgasms. Some pieces of this jigsaw are bigger than others, some are more colorful, some got lovely drawings while some are quite dull, but all of them got their place. Remember that a 5000 jigsaw isn’t complete if you miss one piece… And don’t forget that without a table you can’t even start to build it.

What’s the table? It’s our mind. Don’t have sex if you’re not already aroused. We are not animals; the human sexual response to the various erotic stimuli isn’t a linear one. If you have no intention to make love at the moment, well, your partner got to wait, that’s it. Sex is not a chore, or a bad habit. It’s a moment of happiness, of complicity, of sharing. When you feel yourself as sweet as a kitten, when you can hear the panther roaring into your brain, when your sex is wet and your clit is hard, it’s time to feast on the flesh of your beloved one, it’s time to be caressed, cuddled, kissed, licked, and fucked.

Let yourself go, don’t be hasty, don’t go tense, open your mind to your fantasies, your body is the temple of your hearth and of your mind, you can write the hottest and most beautiful erotic stories with it, but it’s a pen, nothing more, your body is the pen and YOU are the writer.
A tender story, a perverse story, a story with your lover, a sex orgy, sweet clit licking or harsh BDSM? Whatever, it has to be the story YOU want.

ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE !     by Yolande (France)

Many straight women think that bisexual girls express some kind of discontentment about men’s sexual abilities when they cross the border – occasionally or more frequently – to take a stroll in the land of Sappho. As for me, it’s absolutely wrong !

The reality is far simpler, I just need both men and women to feel myself perfectly happy. My male lovers, especially my husband, seldom have disappointed me, and I could say the same about my female partners. A cock, a pussy, a boy, a girl, I have a crush for some selected individuals among the whole humankind, not just amid the half of it.

The funny thing is that with men, I’m quite passive, and submissive. With women, it’s the opposite, for example Jadoo could tell you that during our duos, I’m a dominant, hyperactive, slut! Actually, I think that the origins of this behavior lie in the possibility for me to duplicate the exquisite sensations that my feminine lover make me feel by doing her exactly the same things. It’s especially true concerning cunilingus.

I love being licked. It drives me crazy, really! When my man eats my pussy, I’m on cloud nine, every time, and when an exalted lover like Jadoo does me the same, I become so ecstatic that the planet could explode, I wouldn’t give a shit to that. The difference is that with a woman, I can say “my turn” and share with her the common benefits of the same caress she used on me. With my man, our shared satisfaction comes from - regarding oral sex for example- two different techniques: cunilingus for him when he’s active, fellatio for me when I am.  

Believe me you girls, eating a sugar almond is an superb way to give pleasure and to have fun while doing it. It’s so diversified ! On my point of view it’s better to begin with a gentle, not too much focused stimulation of the labia and the whole genital area. Then, the tip, blade, or underside of the tongue can be used, as can my nose, my chin, my teeth and lips. Movements can be slow or fast, regular or erratic, firm or soft, according to my partner’s reactions. Of course I can also insert my tongue into her vagina, either stiffened or moving.
I also have a special trick into my magic bag: I sometimes hum to produce vibrations, believe it or not, but it’s incredibly efficient.

Obviously, I always feel free to accompany this oral stimulations by digital vaginal penetration or the use of a dildo, which allows a simultaneous stimulation of the g-spot and/or into the anus. Cunilingus is never boring, as long as my partner vary the positions wich offer her crotch area to my appetites. Doggy-style, face-sitting, missionary, spread eagle, sitting or standing, I like to eat her in many positions, including the glorious 69... I like to give, and to take, of course, I’m not insane...  

There’s only one thing tha could prevent me to take a huge pleasure when I lick a clit: a poor personal hygiene. Bad odors, triggered by an accumulation of sweat or micro-residues (lint, urine, menstrual blood) are so unpleasant that at best I always suggest to my partner that we could take a shower together, it’s a good way to allow me to do her personal toilet before the supper!

Except for this not uncommon problem, cunilingus can be consider as a safe sex stimulation. But, and I know that many lesbians will be appaled to read that, it’s not 100% safe sex! If a woman has wounds or open sores on her genitals, or if the licker has wounds on/in her mouth, or bleeding gums, this poses a risk of trasmission if this person is infected by a STIs/STDs (including HIV). Anyway, this risk is far lower than that associated with fellatio, vaginal or anal sex. Gay women should keep in mind that in matter of sex, safe doesn’t mean  100% safe.
On the other hand, the link between oral sex and oral cander has yet to be proved. Even if some studies (New Englang JOM 2008) suggested that performing oral sex on a person infected with HPV (human papillomavirus) might increase the risk of oral cancer or throat cancer, as a teacher in biology I have noted that at some point the searchers obviously try to find some expedients to establish this presumed correlation. 

SAPPHO , the social myth versus the historic reality

By Yolande , France

Little is know about the historic Sappho. The only contemporary source for Sappho's life is her own poetry, and scholars are skeptical of reading it biographically on each and every point. Later biographical accounts are also unreliable.

Some ancient greek authors indicate that Sappho was born circa 620 BCE on Lesbos, into an aristocratic family (it’s consistent with the sometimes rarefied environments that her verses record) and that she lived into the mid-6th century BCE. Her family situation is unclear : she was probably married, but we know nothing about her husband. The only source that claimed that she was married to some Cercyclas could well be a jest : Cercyclas means litteraly « the penis form the men’s isles » in ancient greek ! Most scholars admit that the probability for Sappho having a child is high. Several texts, and her own poetry, agree that she had a mother called Cleïs and a daughter by the same name. 

Sappho's lifetime witnessed a period of political unrest on Lesbos and she was exiled to Sicily sometime between 604 BCE and 594 BCE. Sappho's surviving poetry has very few allusions to political conditions but it’s usually assumed that Sappho returned from exile at some point and that she spent most of her life in Lesbos.

However, if most of her life remains hidden to us, pretty much has been written about the fantasized Lesbian ! In antiquity, Sappho was commonly regarded as one of the greatest lyric poets, but as most of the greek artists , she was almost forgotten from the fall of the roman empire to the time of the Renaissance. At that point the interest in Sappho's writing has grown again. Unfortunately, this interest focused more and more about her sexuality, and less and less about the 200 fragments of her poems. Her current status as the supreme icon of gay liberation and feminism contrats sharply with the image the « real » Sappho left to her contemporaries after she died.

Was she homosexual ? I’m afraid that she wasn’t. On one hand, Sappho's poetry centers on passion and love for various people and both sexes. Descriptions of actual physical acts between women are few, althought these poems are probably autobiographical. Nonetheless, her homoerotica (and her heteroerotica as well ) should be placed in the context of the 7th century BCE. Actually, if female bisexuality was socially acceptable among the high classes of the ancient Greece, female homosexuality wasn’t. As the polis evolved, marriage came to be an integral instrument for the organization of the culture, and women were confined to their houses.

On the other hand of course, in addition to being a poet, Sappho was the head of what was known as a thiasos (pl. thiasoi). Thiasoi were communities of women in which Greek women could receive a limited form of education. Critically, girls in these communities also experienced homosexual love, sometimes for their mistresses (Sappho writes of her love for various students of hers) and sometimes for each other. Pedagogic erotic relationships are also sparsely documented, together with athletic nudity for women.

The historic Sappho, far away from the imaginary heroin, was probably a bisexual woman, married, with at least one child, who expressed her romantic and/or sexual attraction toward both males and females in her poems and songs. The problem is that nowadays nobody care about who Sappho was, but a lot of people find convenient to depict her as the driving force of various movements that don’t even  exist at her time !

While her name is also the origin of the word sapphic; neither the word « lesbian » nor the word « sapphic » were applied to female homosexuality until the 19th century. Quixotically,  the very ones who invented this terms tried to make fashionable to describe Sappho as the innocent headmistress of a girls' finishing school. This attempt at making Sappho palatable to the nobility and gentry of Great Britain was based more on conservative sensibilities than evidence. The funny thing is that many scholars are desperatly trying to do the same today. But any attempt to strip Sappho from her sexuality and her passions is a complete waste of time.

At their opposite, modern gay communities tend to enlist Sappho under the banners of « pure » homosexuality. It’s a difficult task, considering the fact she described herself as bisexual and that her primary interest was to sing the beauty of love, wether her lovers were females or males. Of course, Sappho had a crush for some girls, and maybe had sex with them, over the course of the years. As well as she had the same feelings for some boys. Who care ? It was her life, she wasn’t an herald of homosexuality or feminism, she was just a woman in love as well as a poet singing about love.

You can look for a politically engaged woman named Sappho. You won’t find her. Nor will you find a chaste, asexual poetess. She never existed. Our present understanding of people from the past is distorted : we remember them for what they never were. I suppose that in two hundred years Barack Obama will be remembered for his songs and Keith Richards for his political abilities ! 

From the ashes of Sappho’s funeral pyre to the mercifull oblivion of the centuries, only a handfull of her words remains. But these  words are exceptionnaly beautifull. She was a woman, a lover, and an exalted poetess. Nothing more. But nothing less, too. May she rests in peace.

Nessun commento:

Posta un commento